Saturday, January 28, 2012

Opening up here. . .

Before I get on with the photos, I feel like I need to be honest about the week that I've had.  The photos will make it appear as though everything was happy and normal.  It wasn't.  I was an emotional mess this week.  I had my first real battle with anxiety.  It was awful.  And scary.  It started with me having difficulty sleeping for a few nights (as a result of obsessive over-thinking that I couldn't seem to turn off).  I started to become anxious that I couldn't sleep and then anxious because I was anxious.  Soon I felt anxious all of the time and I couldn't stop it.  Then on Monday afternoon while driving the kids to a doctor appointment, the anxiety rose to panic.  On the outside, I held it together, but it took all the strength I had to get through that appointment.  Things got even worse that evening and I had a panic attack.  Even when I could appear physically calm, that panic stayed with me for the next few days.  I became afraid to leave the house because I associated being out with more panic.  Then I would panic because I was afraid of becoming agoraphobic.  It sounds a little dramatic, but this moved in me pretty fast.  I've had several talks with friends and family who have shared similar experiences and I am learning some coping mechanisms.   I am also on a new journey toward battling some faulty thinking patterns that may have triggered some of this.  I am hopeful for how I am going to grow through all of this, but I know I have a lot of work to do.  Thankfully, I feel more and more normal with each day that passes.  And I can leave the house.  Victory! 

Besides all of my inner turmoil, here's what else we've been up to this week:

Bella's 'Helping Hand'.   

Bella is on her way toward earning her first Girl Scout badge.  She made three 'Helping Hands' and placed them around the house after she did something helpful on her own initiative.  On this particular Sunday morning, she made our bed.

Here are Graydon and Bella at their doctor appointments.  Graydon didn't want to wear his gown.  This is the appointment where I was pretty much freaking out inside.  I took some photos of the kids with my cell phone.  Partly because they looked so cute and partly because doing so helped redirect my focus.

Bella is now 45.5 inches tall and weighs 46 lbs. 4 oz.  She's right in the middle for her percentiles.  Graydon is 37 inches tall (23rd percentile) and 29 lbs. 4 oz. (35th percentile).   No shots this time!

Curtis is really into shoes these days.  Or boots.  Or slippers.  Or anything that he can put on his feet.  I even caught him trying to put a doll shoe on one day.  Silly Curtis. 

Getting all set up for a movie night.  Their choice:  'The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything'

Crafting in the afternoon.  Paints, crayons, construction paper, sequins, ribbons, lace, etc.  I pretty much dug out whatever random craft supplies I had and let the kids have at it.   

Graydon and Curtis wanted to help out in the kitchen on Friday so I had them put the layer of potatoes into our dish.  For those with our Brockhaus Family Cookbook, we made Grandpa Jim's Whiffenpoof.  Yum!

And look who can drink out of a regular cup!  He's really getting good at it now.

I am prayerfully looking forward to much more peace this week.  Hope the same for all of you too!

1 comment:

mcbenetti said...

Im soo glad you are feeling better. You will have to text me about that app you were telling me about!

Chat soon!!